Sometimes when I’m out in the afternoon, I listen to Dr Laura on the radio.  She is an advice giving, mostly hypocritical talk show host.  According to her bio, she lived with her first husband before marrying him, had a kid, divorced, stole someone else’s husband, had a doctorate in physiology but but gives advice for a living.  She rails against living with someone before marriage, divorce, stealing husbands, child care & women with children working. Mostly, I think she is a major loon but occasionally she actually talks about stuff I agree with.

Today, a husband called in talking about not the love for his wife waning.  And Dr Laura talked to him about the beginning of their relationship and about touching.  Even simple touching & how important it is.  She talked about preemies in NICU & how they thrive when they are held and talked to.  They husband left promising to try to do better.

I understand the touching thing.  As a single woman who lives alone and has no family, I get how it feels to not be touched for months at a time.  I’m not talking about sex.  I’m talking about something as simple as someone touching your arm or a simple hug.  Sometimes it hurts so much that it’s physical, like a stomach ache or headache.  And I know I’m not the only person who knows what it feels like.  There are a lot of lonely people in this world.


I am officially January overwhelmed.  New medical deductible.  New car & renter’s insurance to buy.  Dentist appointment.   I’m still adjusting to the pensions/social security thing.  I’m seriously hoping to balance things out.

I was upset today at my dental appointment.  My former employer, AT&T, ALWAYS paid for dental insurance.  I know I was spoiled because I had insurance but I worked for a company that still makes BILLIONS of dollars in profits & they earned on 25 years of my back.  But starting 3 years ago, I had to pay for all insurance, including dental.  But they still paid 100% for cleaning & frankly, very little else.  Starting 2 years ago,  I had to pay $16 a month and they pay 1/2 of cleaning.  So last year I stopped the monthly & paid out of pocket.  It evened out. This year at selection time, I thought I read for $11 a month, they would pay all of cleaning.  Wrong.  Just half, again.    But today I went and would have been required to pay $95 for cleaning & xrays.  And between the car insurance & medical insurance I couldn’t do it today so I had to reschedule til March.  And that will be better for the 6 months to never again land in January.  But my issue is that I have never not been able to just go with it.  And I could have…I was just  overwhelmed today.  It’s not even logical but I cried all the way home.  And everything will be ok.  But it was a new feeling & I didn’t like it.

I made a lot of money at AT&T & have spent the past 10 years making considerably less.  I’m ok financially but sometimes I panic just a little.  And I’m pretty content working part time delivering my Amazon packages and very content not working when I don’t want to.  It’ll balance out.

I’m just rambling.

February will be better.

Big XII Basketball

I’ll start out by saying I love my Red Raiders & will to my final breath.  I don’t care what they are playing, I root for them.  Right now…face it, most of the time…they are not good at football.  They have, in the past few years, been pretty good in basketball & are pretty dang good in baseball pretty much all the time.  Last year, in 2019, they went to the finals of March Madness & lost by 8, although it was way closer than that.  The track team won a national championship last year.  And of course, we have meat judging & pom & cheer squads.   I am not a fair weather or bandwagon fan.

Right now our basketball guys are struggling.  They have only a couple returning players that have ever had any playing time.  They got some great recruits but they are babies.  And they are most likely here for one year, on their way to the NBA.   And there are big recruits on the way & they’ll just be passing through too.  That’s the life in NCAA now.  The great players are looking to leave ASAP, the good enough players are here for a free degree.

With that said, I’m going to write something out loud here, something I’ve only voiced one time:   Last year was the pinnacle of Texas Tech Basketball in my lifetime.  It was as good as it’s ever going to be.   That team was our very own 2011 Texas Rangers.  No one expected the Rangers to do well & they played like excited Little Leaguers. That was our basketball team last year.  Picked 7th in the conference & they hit an amazing tidal wave.   But now we are officially a one & done school so we will have a team full of babies & good enoughs while the great players move on.

I’ve had season tickets for years & years & years.  And this year, I gave them up.  Mostly because of the parking at the Arena but deep down I knew last year was it.

And my heart may never fully heal.


I’m alone…

I don’t fit in this world.  I used to be closer to fitting in but that has diminished as I’ve gotten older.  Since I retired, I rarely see anyone anymore.  Since I’ve lost my mom & dad & sisters I have no love in my life & few people I can trust.  I have a niece & nephew.  Both live in other towns & have their own families.  I rarely see them.  I don’t get invited for holidays or out to eat …it’s not their fault.  They’re busy. I have a couple of good friends but they have their own drama & I’m not much on drama.  So, I’m basically alone most of the time.

I’ve always been mostly fine alone.  I wish I had someone special in my life.  But I’ve always been pretty self entertaining.  But it’s gotten harder.  I don’t like going out to eat, not for the food anyway.  If someone asks me to go eat, I actually enjoy the company.  But I eat at home, alone, for weeks at a time.

I try to deliver packages 2 days a week.

I can’t stand shopping or going to the movies anymore.

I get tired of the TV noise.  I don’t listen to music anymore.

I like to cook but I don’t like leftovers & cooking for 1 person is hard.  So I eat junk, mostly.  I do have a NY strip for my lunch tomorrow so I’m not completely barbarian.

I don’t sleep.

I can’t read anymore & I’ve always been a big reader.  I can’t concentrate.

I don’t like traveling anymore.

I hate talking on the phone.

There are weeks I literally talk to no one. It’s been years since anyone has touched me.  I’m not talking about sex.  I’m talking about anyone for any reason.

I’m hurting.  I’m black & empty inside.  My heart has died.  And I don’t know what to do.






When you drive through a town named for a famous person & there is a park with statues,stopping should have been required.  So on my way to Frisco a few weeks ago I went through Bowie, TX.   Ok, the sign says he was from Kentucky & was never actually in the area.  But people obviously admired him enough to name a Texas town after him in 1881.  The reasons they chose him are not noted in the park…guess they just liked him & the big knife he carried.  It was described as 9 1/2″ long, a quarter inch thick & 1 1/2 inches wide, with a simple wood handle.

The town apparently commissioned a really big, Guinness World Record winning replica in 2016.

I saw, I stopped, I photographed, I blogged.  Here you go!!








Boots & Roots

It’s finally fall & in west Texas, the first part of fall means South Plains Fair time.  Years ago the fair had country concerts most of the week.  We paid something like $10 and saw George Strait or Alan Jackson or Ricky Van Shelton.  But that fizzled out.  Now the radio stations sponsor shows & the concert is free after paying to get into the fair.  The concerts are not necessarily the same.  One station was doing up & coming country although that seems to have stopped.   The oldie station does the fogies–this year is The Cowsills, a band that I never heard.  Last year was Gary Puckett & the Union Gap.  I’ve also seen Air Supply, Gary Lewis & the Playboys and Herman’s Hermits, to name a few.

Last night, the oldies country station had the ‘Roots & Boots Tour’ which featured popular-in-the-1990’s acts Sammy Kershaw, Aaron Tippin & Collin Raye.   My friend Jan & I went & stuffed our faces with fair food.  Hamburger, fries, strawberry lemonade, funnel cake & Methodist fried pies, cherry & apricot.  To be fair, I had a few bites of fries & funnel cake & brought the pies home for later.  Then we went to enjoy the concert.

The concert is held in the Fairpark Coliseum, a big old barn thing with inadequate air conditioning so it’s always pretty warm in there.  I’d bet the heating is same & it’d be pretty cold too.  But nothing has changed in the 40 years I’ve been going to shows there so it’s all good.

First all 3 came out & all sang big hits…Aaron Tippen sang ‘You’ve Got To Stand for Something’, Sammy Kershaw sang ‘Cadillac Style’ & Collin Raye sang ‘That’s my Story’.  Then they each did a set and met again at the end to sing together again.

The voices are weaker.  The bodies showed a little middle age.  But they put on an enthusiastic show & everyone had a good time.   My favorite was Collin Raye’s ‘Love,Me’, his signature song.  Everyone got their phones out & did the old lighter thing with their phone flashlights.  Even Aaron came out with his phone from the back of the stage.  Aaron is a little weird.  Probably one of those off the wall kids who turned in to a very hyperactive adult.

Ready for next year…fair food, free music.


img_1748-1  img_1747-4

Did I mention Aaron is weird?




Carne con Papas

1 lb Ground Beef
2 Potatoes, cut into bite size pieces
1 onion, chopped
1 can Rotel Tomatoes.  I use mild because I’m a wimp.
House Seasoning to taste
3 cups boiling water
Ketchup.   Not part of recipe but I love it.

Brown the meat with the onion & house seasoning. Drain. Add tomatoes & potatoes.  Pour boiling water in and cook until potatoes are tender.  Eat as is or add ketchup which I love in this recipe.

One of my favorites!!  I’ll post a picture next time I make it.  It’s pretty too.