2015 Reflections

It’s that time of year where we reflect on what has been and then what will be.   I’m not ready for the 2nd part but will attempt the first even though I’m not sure I’m ready for that either.

2015 has been a wild year of me.  Until July, I had a house and a car and a job and then I finally gave into something I’ve dreamed about since the first day I went to Vegas.  I always thought dealing cards would be the retirement job of my dreams.  I evaluated and decided it was now or never.  So I turned in my notice and left my job with Texas Tech in August.  And I sold my house.  And I moved to Las Vegas!  I found a nice little 2 bedroom apartment and started dealer school.  I’ve written about most of this before.  Basically, casino jobs are part time and occasional (in phone company terms)…and I could not make a living. And I was lonely as hell.  I cut my losses and came home.

Now I have a new apartment in Lubbock that costs more than I wanted to pay but I like it and I’m ok.  I started a job at Market Street a couple of weeks ago that I like pretty well although I’m scheduled for more hours than I wanted.  And that’s ok for now because it was Christmas week and extremely busy and not a normal schedule.  This week I was scheduled for less.  I was supposed to go in today but we hare having major ice and snow and DPS and LPD are all saying to stay in yet the store was still open.  And it’s supposed to be worse by morning.  I called in this morning and told them I was not coming in and I’m not going in tomorrow either.  So, basically, I’ll probably be unemployed again very soon.  And it’s something I’m ready for it because part of me understands.  The store needs someone they can count on but I am past the point in my life where I am going to risk life and limb and car for a minimum wage job.  I also don’t believe they should be open.  I really think them being open because it encourages people to go out when it is dangerous and unnecessary. And when someone falls and breaks their bobo they are going to have a lawsuit on their hands!  

Ok, that’s the this week stuff.

The reflections need to go deeper.  I’ve made sooooo many mistakes the last few years but this year has been the doozy of all doozies.  I spent money going to Vegas and living there and moving back.  I didn’t make any money while there except the pension.  So I spent some savings along the way.  I’m not broke…I’ve got it figured out that with some frugal living, I can not work and be ok and then draw Social Security at 62, 3 1/2 years from now.  It won’t be easy because there won’t be a lot of extra but I’m pretty frugal and not in debt and have few monthy bills.  I’ll basically be my mom and dad (2 wonderful people to be, by the way) but I’ll make a little more $$ but they never had a rent payment.  It’s basically going to be eating at home and watching every penny, which I actually take as a challenge.   And I have retirement every month and Roth IRA for later.   But I’ll never again own a home and a new car will be a long time down the road.  Travel will be non-existant.

I’ve always been pretty confident, the years with AT&T and the money I made and the fact that it has seemed easy for the last few years made me confident.  But the truth is, I am lost as to what I want to do from now on  I’ve tried a few things post AT&T and have failed at every one.  Nothing seems to be able to make me happy.  The truth is that I’ve never known what I wanted or what will make me happy.  Happiness seems to be a pipe dream. Not anything I’m capable of.  So I have to learn to just be content with my life as it is now.

Las Vegas was horribly lonely,  Lubbock is better because I have friends here but the lonliness continues to cripple me. And that is something else that first of all I should be used to and second of all that I’ll need to figure out how to deal with long term.

Maybe the magic answer will come along.   Maybe I’ll still be working at Market Street after these couple of days.  Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I have a much better life than many people.  A little money saved, no debt, not many needs.  I need to stop whining, that’s for sure!!

Need for space.

I’ve been back about 3 weeks now and I’m staying with my friend Jan and although she has a comfortable home and I have a nice room and a closet and a couple of drawers, it’s time for me to get my own space.  I will hopefully move into my new apartment next Monday, December 21.  I say hopefully because I went in a week and a half ago and I have yet to be “approved” officially.  I am a little worried that if they drag their feet on a sale that there may be a maintenance problem in the future but I’m trying to get past this.  I am continually amazed at how someone cannot respect another’s time so blatantly.  If there is a problem, they need to tell me so I can move on.  The approval should be Monday according to the drag her feet leasing manager when the drag her feet official manager can “sign off on the paperwork”…This has been frustrating!!  Grrr.

I find myself getting grumpy without my own space.  I can find 100 things to do in my own home but have a hard time even figuring out where to put up dishes here.  And I have to admit that I am a simple eater and not a “foodie”…I find that when I want scrambled eggs, I don’t want them full of rosemary or mayonaise.  I just want eggs.  Jan is an experimental cook and takes over when I go into start a meal and more often than not I find myself faced with something I don’t recognize or like.  She is very generous to try but I find myself even more territorial right now because I want to do things my own way.  We have another week and we’ll make it but I see separate meals in our future.

Fingers crossed!!