I’m alone…

I don’t fit in this world.  I used to be closer to fitting in but that has diminished as I’ve gotten older.  Since I retired, I rarely see anyone anymore.  Since I’ve lost my mom & dad & sisters I have no love in my life & few people I can trust.  I have a niece & nephew.  Both live in other towns & have their own families.  I rarely see them.  I don’t get invited for holidays or out to eat …it’s not their fault.  They’re busy. I have a couple of good friends but they have their own drama & I’m not much on drama.  So, I’m basically alone most of the time.

I’ve always been mostly fine alone.  I wish I had someone special in my life.  But I’ve always been pretty self entertaining.  But it’s gotten harder.  I don’t like going out to eat, not for the food anyway.  If someone asks me to go eat, I actually enjoy the company.  But I eat at home, alone, for weeks at a time.

I try to deliver packages 2 days a week.

I can’t stand shopping or going to the movies anymore.

I get tired of the TV noise.  I don’t listen to music anymore.

I like to cook but I don’t like leftovers & cooking for 1 person is hard.  So I eat junk, mostly.  I do have a NY strip for my lunch tomorrow so I’m not completely barbarian.

I don’t sleep.

I can’t read anymore & I’ve always been a big reader.  I can’t concentrate.

I don’t like traveling anymore.

I hate talking on the phone.

There are weeks I literally talk to no one. It’s been years since anyone has touched me.  I’m not talking about sex.  I’m talking about anyone for any reason.

I’m hurting.  I’m black & empty inside.  My heart has died.  And I don’t know what to do.





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