Touch

Sometimes when I’m out in the afternoon, I listen to Dr Laura on the radio.  She is an advice giving, mostly hypocritical talk show host.  According to her bio, she lived with her first husband before marrying him, had a kid, divorced, stole someone else’s husband, had a doctorate in physiology but but gives advice for a living.  She rails against living with someone before marriage, divorce, stealing husbands, child care & women with children working. Mostly, I think she is a major loon but occasionally she actually talks about stuff I agree with.

Today, a husband called in talking about not the love for his wife waning.  And Dr Laura talked to him about the beginning of their relationship and about touching.  Even simple touching & how important it is.  She talked about preemies in NICU & how they thrive when they are held and talked to.  They husband left promising to try to do better.

I understand the touching thing.  As a single woman who lives alone and has no family, I get how it feels to not be touched for months at a time.  I’m not talking about sex.  I’m talking about something as simple as someone touching your arm or a simple hug.  Sometimes it hurts so much that it’s physical, like a stomach ache or headache.  And I know I’m not the only person who knows what it feels like.  There are a lot of lonely people in this world.

January

I am officially January overwhelmed.  New medical deductible.  New car & renter’s insurance to buy.  Dentist appointment.   I’m still adjusting to the pensions/social security thing.  I’m seriously hoping to balance things out.

I was upset today at my dental appointment.  My former employer, AT&T, ALWAYS paid for dental insurance.  I know I was spoiled because I had insurance but I worked for a company that still makes BILLIONS of dollars in profits & they earned on 25 years of my back.  But starting 3 years ago, I had to pay for all insurance, including dental.  But they still paid 100% for cleaning & frankly, very little else.  Starting 2 years ago,  I had to pay $16 a month and they pay 1/2 of cleaning.  So last year I stopped the monthly & paid out of pocket.  It evened out. This year at selection time, I thought I read for $11 a month, they would pay all of cleaning.  Wrong.  Just half, again.    But today I went and would have been required to pay $95 for cleaning & xrays.  And between the car insurance & medical insurance I couldn’t do it today so I had to reschedule til March.  And that will be better for the 6 months to never again land in January.  But my issue is that I have never not been able to just go with it.  And I could have…I was just  overwhelmed today.  It’s not even logical but I cried all the way home.  And everything will be ok.  But it was a new feeling & I didn’t like it.

I made a lot of money at AT&T & have spent the past 10 years making considerably less.  I’m ok financially but sometimes I panic just a little.  And I’m pretty content working part time delivering my Amazon packages and very content not working when I don’t want to.  It’ll balance out.

I’m just rambling.

February will be better.

Big XII Basketball

I’ll start out by saying I love my Red Raiders & will to my final breath.  I don’t care what they are playing, I root for them.  Right now…face it, most of the time…they are not good at football.  They have, in the past few years, been pretty good in basketball & are pretty dang good in baseball pretty much all the time.  Last year, in 2019, they went to the finals of March Madness & lost by 8, although it was way closer than that.  The track team won a national championship last year.  And of course, we have meat judging & pom & cheer squads.   I am not a fair weather or bandwagon fan.

Right now our basketball guys are struggling.  They have only a couple returning players that have ever had any playing time.  They got some great recruits but they are babies.  And they are most likely here for one year, on their way to the NBA.   And there are big recruits on the way & they’ll just be passing through too.  That’s the life in NCAA now.  The great players are looking to leave ASAP, the good enough players are here for a free degree.

With that said, I’m going to write something out loud here, something I’ve only voiced one time:   Last year was the pinnacle of Texas Tech Basketball in my lifetime.  It was as good as it’s ever going to be.   That team was our very own 2011 Texas Rangers.  No one expected the Rangers to do well & they played like excited Little Leaguers. That was our basketball team last year.  Picked 7th in the conference & they hit an amazing tidal wave.   But now we are officially a one & done school so we will have a team full of babies & good enoughs while the great players move on.

I’ve had season tickets for years & years & years.  And this year, I gave them up.  Mostly because of the parking at the Arena but deep down I knew last year was it.

And my heart may never fully heal.